One Bite

pavel-nekoranec-648895-unsplashI had two McDonald’s cheeseburgers with no ketchup for lunch. That’s a powerful sentence for me. I told my friend Kory my weight fluctuates between 220 and 230, but I’ve never gone down below that level. I’m aiming for 200 right now, but ideally I want to get down to 180.

I clean houses for a living, and my weight has since crossed my mind because I have housekeeper’s knee on my right knee. It gave me some problems today as I dusted a client’s home. I know less weight will be preventive maintenance for my knees.

This thought process isn’t new because I’ve also been asking for large t-shirts since the Taylor Swift 1989 concert at Bridgestone. I’ve got several now hanging up in my closet, and I even bought a large polo at my alma mater’s bookstore that I wore to Chloe’s cross country banquet last night. I’m proud to say that I did not over eat at the banquet either. I was however self-conscience about the beer belly that protruded from behind that shirt. I realize you might think I’m being vain or narcissistic here, but my main goal here is to feel better, move better and live longer.

I’m thankful I don’t have a desk job because my uphill climb would be harder. This weight gain over the last several years is of course the fact that I started consuming more calories as my depression intensified, but I think the generic Prozac I started taking years ago also slowed my metabolism down. I don’t think I have thyroid issues. I’ve told many that my issue is just portion control as I need to exercise the habit of pushing my plate back without seconds.

I never thought I’d be writing about my eating habits because my metabolism for eons was very fast. Writing has helped me in so many areas of my life that I thought I’d take a stab at the eating habit.

Carey and Chloe have encouraged me along the way, and I think part of my own psychology as I contemplate the breaking of bread at our dining room table is that I can consume one more helping of whatever Carey prepared that night. I have that thought because I assume I will burn those calories as I clear the table and do the dishes. I have no way of knowing how many calories I burn from the end of dinner to the end of KP duty. I’d like to purchase a Fitbit for that purpose. Remind me to get a waterproof one so I can do dishes with it on.

I’ve also noticed here of late that I’ve been short of breath, so I might follow my daughter’s example of running. She and her mom are two disciplined individuals, and they inspire me to do better.

I think my anger management issues will improve, my thinking will be clearer for entrepreneurial pursuits, and I’ll be more present to help the people I want to encourage.

I told Amy today that I don’t like setting goals. I never really have. I hate deadlines to be honest with you. It inflames my depression and anxiety. This seems to be different. I haven’t of course put a date on the end goal of 180 pounds, but it is a “goal.” It’s not going to be easy, but my advanced degrees weren’t easy. Marriage isn’t easy, and parenting certainly isn’t easy. I’ve accomplished hard things, and that encourages me.

It’s human nature to let the negative overshadow the positive, but in our battle with mental illness we must chronicle the positive. Be intentional about it because I think we are going to be surprised in just one day how much positive can happen.

After all, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

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