We stray from the racy subjects that people deal with. We are uncomfortable with them, but we also “can’t” handle them. There are things you don’t bring up in certain circles, and God forbid we disagree with each other. Please don’t bring up so-and-so’s autism. Don’t mention so-and-so’s suicide or another’s homosexuality. We’ve got to pretend everything is okay, and that everyone has it all together. Do you know how much that makes me want to vomit? Now I respect those wishes. Hell, I’ve been respecting those wishes for years, but when I get with other people groups the weirdness multiplies.
We are a broken world that is narcissistic, and we want what we want when we want it. When do we stop putting a bandaid on a wound that needs multiple stitches? When someone in Brazil gets asked how they’re doing and they aren’t doing well the questioner learns about it. Here we get lied to. I’m fine. Hell no you aren’t fine. I’m hurting deeply, but I’m going to give you a fake smile while I lie to you. I know you can’t reveal all your pain to everybody, but can we for one moment skip the pleasantries to deep significant banter that sincerely inquires into the well-being of each other?
I know it’s probably too much to ask because we are creatures of habit, and sometimes that’s good because when drama walks into the room we long for the lies.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Thanksgiving. I have a plethora of things and people to be thankful for, and for the next two days I’m going to enjoy being with the people I’ll be with as I have for over twenty years. I wouldn’t have it any other way because I sincerely love each one.
Christmas is coming too, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I would be dead if it were not for Jesus Christ. I celebrate His life every Sunday by taking unleavened bread and grape juice because I believe with all my heart that Jesus is LORD. His Spirit dwells within me to show others that He is real. That’s no secret.
What is a secret pains me because He knows all our secrets. Some don’t know I have a debilitating illness called depression, and I wish I didn’t. I’d still never wish this on an enemy. It’s paralyzing, and it robs me of so much joy, but I know that it is nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my LORD. It never will be. When my Father gives me my new body on Judgement Day I won’t fight depression, and all this angst will be for naught, but for now I have to face it.
I have family and friends who fight illness, and I know they don’t want those illnesses as much as I don’t want depression. But here we are. We encourage each other to keep going, and I assure you as long as the Spirit dwells within me I will keep going. Things will happen that make me want to throw in towel and hide, but I continue to walk out our side door, get in my car and go do my thing because even though fear grips me it does not control me because I have a power I’ve been calling on since the third grade.
I would love to tell you about that same power.