The Things I Can Change

Photo by Tina Dawson on Unsplash

Lately the coffee I make in the morning, whether it’s been Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut or Starbucks French Roast, has been a bit more bitter than I care for. I’ve tried to drink it with just clouds (creamer), but I’ve had to add a teaspoon of sugar. I drink one of those cups as I write.

A depiction of life if you ask me. I wrecked a car a few weeks ago, and I had to buy a really cheap one to replace it. The car I wrecked was a Honda Accord, and the car that replaced is a Cheverolet mini van. It’s better for all the cleaning stuff, but I’m grieving the loss of that Honda. Tradeoffs continue don’t they? There are consequences to every “choice,” experience and decision. I did not choose to get into that wreck, but nonetheless it can’t be undone.

It’s twenty minutes till seven in the morning right now in Nashville, and I have a responsibility to make coffee for a para-ministry I’ve made coffee for about once a month for several years now. It’s an amazing ministry, and it’s set thousands free from sin. They used to meet at a local church, but God has granted them success to the point that they now have their own building. It’s a beautiful place where now they can set even more people free from bondage.

Unless the LORD builds the house the laborers labor in vain. Psalm 127.1

You won’t know it, but I hate being rushed, so I’ll be saving this post to go make that coffee, and I’ll return to calmly publish it with a free picture from unsplash. My LORD and my God is such an amazing presence even in the presence of people who reject me. I too have rejected others, and somehow in the economy of human relationships we press on even when some check out early. I do not condemn or blame those who do because I don’t really think it’s them doing it, and in some ways I admire their bravery. In the same breath I do not condone it either, but if God needs to take a break on Judgement Day I refuse to take His place on the throne. I was not put here to judge others. I was put here to share the life saving power of Jesus Christ. If they choose to reject it that’s between them and God.

New Line of Thought

I guess you could call this an entirely new post, but technically it’s the same post. It follows the storyline regarding the wreck above and the response I got from some without naming names. I guess that’s borderline gossip, but then it’s not because you’ll have no idea who I’m talking about even if you know me. I’ve been in three wrecks in a “short” amount of time, and I’ve been raked across the coals for doing so. I probably should have been, but there’s a part of me that exacerbates the unfairness of it. There are two sides to every story, and I know you’re only getting one side. To say I’m cautious is an understatement, but part of it too is that until I can buy a good car I’m going to have to baby this piece of crap I’m driving now. But how long should someone have to “pay” for a failure before they are set free to be who the Father says they are? I’m lamenting. I’m grieving because depression makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do, and I know I’m not innocent of sin, mistakes or failure here.

Somehow in the economy of it all, and that actually includes finances I see my Savior on the cross who was sinless, yet mankind murdered Him as they punished two other criminals with Him. I go to church every Sunday, and there are people there I do not like. The feeling is mutual mind you. When you’ve lived as long as I have there are some burned bridges that will never be rebuilt. That’s a product of our broken world. That trust this side of eternity will never be restored. I don’t care if you’re a peddler of anything is possible. That’s not true if you ask me. God cannot lie. The Bible is pretty clear about that. Has my heart been so hardened that I’m blind to the redemption that come from God’s presence? Maybe. You can weigh in when you get some experience under your belt, but that’s no guarantee I’m going to listen because the pain is chronic. Sometimes for me a successful day is not honking my horn at some idiot Nashville driver. And there are a plethora of them. I guess it takes one to know one, so there you go.

None of this is new. There’s been millions of forty-six-year-old men who felt defeated, and Satan has worked his magic since the beginning of time so it stays that way. You idealistic preachers of love wonder why haters like me can’t just love, yet you ignore the wrath of God that took Ananias and Sapphire out for lying about how much money they made in selling some real estate. I know it’s not my job to exercise the wrath of God. He’s plenty capable, but I get angry at unfairness, injustice and sin when I see it. But even when I point the finger there are three pointing back at me.

It’s a never ending cycle that will continue even when I’m gone, and frankly I don’t fear that day. I’m not going to prematurally usher it in before my time, but I’m sure as Heaven not going to condemn those who do because like I wrote above I get it. I don’t think it was them who actually did it because Satan, the father of lies, is one cunning being who knows how to leverage his entourage in destroying lives.

He will not succeed, and this blog will continue to combat the forces of evil as long as I still have breath in my lungs.

Father, we are in a battle for our souls. You know the evil we are up against. You’ve seen it since the days of Job, and you raised up Esther to save millions from genocide. You continue to bring down terrorists who are bent on destruction, and for those of us fight sin, yet want your will to prevail we ask your strength and power to do so. Give us faith to do this. Give us hope when despair and depression consume us. Humble those who rise up against us, and when stuff consumes us remind us that it will all burn one day. Our relationship with our families is important to us, but sometimes we allow other things to overshadow that. Bring us to a place where we choose Christ who did not even have a place to lay His head. We are hurt and injured children of You Father, but we long for your healing touch and presence that sustains us 24/7. We cannot do life without you, and as we strive to be jars of clay may others want this peace and hope we all desperately need. In Jesus name amen.

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