I don’t want to be melodramatic, but I’m sure you’ve experienced it if you’re a writer. It’s the very thing I just faced when I logged in here.
You see the blank screen or blank page if you longhand, and you experience paralysis. You freeze up for whatever reason, and you forget all the good things you were going to write. I guess it’s like stage fright. Speaking in front of people is one of the top fears people have. Writing for complete strangers is that for me because I’m not a public speaker.
I guess the initial thing that drove me here right now is that I didn’t want to watch Agent Carter because I’m euphoric about my business, some books I’m reading, and I’m trying to sort through some other things I’m not going to elaborate on. If I don’t write it down I forget it. When I want to remember something I truly enjoy not only the experience, but the actual recounting of the experience.
Tonight we had dinner with my wife’s mom and my wife’s uncle. Barbara made delicious fish tacos, we had wonderful conversation, and the evening was perfectly capped with coffee and a brownie ice cream dessert. Breaking bread with loved ones is many times overlooked because I take it for granted, but something euphoric happens in my mind and heart when I offer gratitude for it. Television is a nice escape, but breaking bread with family and friends is priceless. Sitting down at McDonalds with a Big Mac and a co-worker is no exception.
This semantic I’m using is essential for our culture too. My black brothers and sisters should never have had to face what they have faced for hundreds of years. My heart has been heavy for the George Floyd family, and all the other black lives taken out in recent months. There is no excuse for the brutal murders that have taken place. I’ve been praying God’s will be done because those murders were not, and the murderers will be brought to justice.
Family is forever, and we must invest in our families constantly. That might be sharing a meal. It might mean sitting down to watch an episode of Agent Carter, and it’s definitely speaking out for minorities who are murdered because of the color of their skin. Those black lives who were senselessly murdered were taken from their families at the will of another human being. God gives each one of us incredible power to choose our actions. May we choose him to empower us to make good ones. I marvel continually at the free-will he blesses us with. His love is a continual testament to the fact that even though dark things happen his redemption brings healing. The separation the blood of Christ brings between the Father and our sins should never be something we forget. Renewal in families happens everyday, and I dare say that we need strong families all the time. It’s not to show others up. It’s not to strut around showing how great we are. It’s not to make others feel inferior. It’s to show others the great love the Father has had and will have for eternity. No one is too far gone to experience the love of the Father. That’s why the death of George Floyd is so dark. He was a man who was deeply loved by his family, yet that other man had no mercy as George pleaded for oxygen. May God have mercy on that man if he’s still alive.
Death hurts like hell right now. Death is a familiar experience in this house, and we’ll experience it again because this world is not our home, but I’ll be damned if I let death rob me of life. I’m tired of living a life of fear. My David’s passing, the tornados in Tennessee, COVID-19 and the murder of my black brothers and sisters is more than I can bear. I’ve cried more in the past 8 months than I cried during the 10 months of my worst depression. I have not given up. I’ve crawled at times. I’ve walked way more than I’ve run, but I will run again.
I don’t know what you’re up against, but I know who holds you nearer than the blood in your veins. He longs for your embrace and gaze. He loves so deeply it hurts him when you reject or ignore him. Please don’t deny him. He’s real. I’ve lived too long not to try to convince you he’s as real as the eyes you read this post with. You’re pain is a 10, but he will sustain you through that pain, and I long for the times here and now when that 10 goes down to 0. He’s able. He’s done it before. He’ll do it again.