Memoir

Photo by Jessica Delp on Unsplash

Sometimes I forget COVID happened. It’s still happening. That’s something we can all identify with. Each one of us have a thousand other things we can substitute the word COVID for that we are challenged with. Depression is of course something I battle on a daily basis. My lovely friend Amy battles PTSD on a daily basis, and my wife Carey battles anxiety day in and day out. My daughter Chloe battles asthma, and we both are dealing with some ankle issues that aren’t fun.

This morning was my second Sunday to make coffee again at church. At our previous church I made coffee for five years. I met a nurse named Katy, and we had a great conversation about work and life, and somehow the subject of memoirs entered our dialogue. I dropped the title of Don Miller’s Blue Like Jazz because that’s always been an example of what I want to write, and she encouraged me to write it. I shared with her the fact that I’ve vacillated back and forth for twenty plus years about writing it. The reasons for and against writing it are as complicated as you might guess. I also can’t stand inferior creations, and so many memoirs I’ve read are worse than drivel. There are so many incredible memoirs as well, and I want mine, if I write it, to be in the later. The creative process is written about in a plethora of books. As a Christian I know that I was created in the image of God, and God is the ultimate creator because “he created” all of us “in our mother’s wombs.” That doesn’t even touch upon the global village we share, nor does it wax on about the solar system we float in.

Moving about in our world is a blessing for me because I did not grow up in a “normal” way. My dad is a pastor, and my family of origin lived in Guam, California, Kansas, South Dakota, Michigan, Arkansas, Tennessee and Florida. I saw more places in my first eighteen years of life than some see or experience in their entire lives. I used to resent it because it did create instability, but now that I’ve “overcome” that instability I see it as a blessing. Somehow my parents gave my brothers and me roots and wings in that journey. When COVID came along there were similarities to those many moves I experienced as a child, so I went there mentally in a way as we faced that horrible crisis. Life is like that isn’t it? Sometimes we face down a terrible circumstance not realizing that it will prepare us later for other sufferings.

I think the common denominator in all of this is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I truly do not know how I would have navigated anything without the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesse Ventura once said Christianity is a crutch for weak minded people. I disagree with that statement because the Father did not even blink when he said that. Mankind has been delivering lies since Satan delivered the first one to Eve in the Garden. Jesus Christ proved faith in him is the only way out of weakness, but somehow Satan continues to convince us that we have to figure it out on our own. We don’t.

I recently went off Prozac with the help of a psychiatrist. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m thankful I did because I’ve lost weight. That was my primary purpose in doing so. I also started back to therapy, and last night was my first night in Celebrate Recovery. My friend Jen told me about it at Cross Point on Sunday when we were making coffee. I received my first chip for beginning the journey.

I might still write that memoir, but for now I’m striving to overcome my anger. That’s the main reason I’m back in CR (Celebrate Recovery). Admitting wrong doing is the first step to recovery from an addiction. I’m addicted to making others do what I want them to do. The Father, Son and Spirit don’t even force others to do what they want them to do. Nothing can be won by force what can only be won by submission, and the Father’s faithfulness is astounding in that reality. He is more than able to force mankind to bend to his will, but he doesn’t. He longs for each one of us to submit to his love. He desires our allegiance, but he does not force it. I want by life to reflect the life of Jesus his son, and sometimes that means I turn to things life therapy and CR to help me align my actions with his. Satan and his network of evil doers are more powerful than me, but they are not more powerful than the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

I will turn to him forever with or without a memoir.

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