Take This Heart of Mine

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Day Nine in Annie F. Downs’ 100 Days To Brave has impacted me deeply. I wanted to post the entire essay here, but copyright laws require permission from the publisher (Zondervan) to do that. I decided to write about it.

This morning I got to the grocery before they opened because we were low on toilet paper. Thankfully I was able to buy some. I wore a mask and gloves, and as I was heading to the self-checkout I stayed on the right side similar to the way we drive on the road. Well another gentleman was coming from the opposite direction, and apparently he was from England because he was in “my lane” too. Our shoulders grazed, and I did not turn around to look at him. I went on about my business, but it bothered me. It angered me he couldn’t wait his turn as has happened even before COVID-19. Even in the middle of a pandemic narcissistic behavior is alive and well. I realize it takes one to know one. My depression, anger and ungodly pride over the years has made me hypersensitive to narcissistic personalities.

Annie’s entry has a timeless excerpt that shows we all struggle with this, mentally healthy or mentally ill.

He chose to love me. And I’ve been know to be a total punk. Unfortunately, I will probably continue to be a punk at times. Yet He loves me to pieces ~ all my pieces. I cannot earn it, I don’t deserve it, and yet I am drowning in it.

She echos what I wrote yesterday. Jesus loves us.

Hindsight is 20/20. We cannot change the past, and as weak human beings what happened this morning at the grocery store will happen again, not for lack of will or want, but because of the pull of the sinful nature. God knows we will sin. That does not negate his love for us. His love and grace teaches us to say no to sin, so we can become more like him because when we ask for his power he does not refuse. He does not force that power on us. He wants a give and take relationship. He’s not manipulative like Satan. He won’t put failure before us to trip us, but he does use failure to draw us to him. I don’t know why he doesn’t block obstacles, but that’s a question that dates the Garden of Eden. I trust him despite the sin, failure and obstacles because even though life is extremely painful there is a plethora of evidence for his faithfulness, and the reality of Jesus Christ is overwhelming. I love the phrase about Jesus being a liar, lunatic or LORD, but no one has been able to show him as a liar or lunatic. They keep trying, but they fail time and again even when they martyr his followers.

Death couldn’t stop him the first time. Why would it stop him now?

If God is for us who can be against us?

Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.

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